Hooray For Saturday!

Between The T & V, Nothing

There are no U turns allowed in Columbus, OH.

Nature's Way

Yesterday it snowed, but I could still see the brown lawn through the dusting.  Today it was cold and we had flurries, but it was the second of two consecutive snow days here in northern Kentucky. 

Let me break that down for you...I'm going crazy!  I'm tapped out.  This entertainer is ready for intermission, which comes in the mornings when Doodlebug is in pre-school.  I just feel sorry for the young lady, she likes going to school and doesn't get why she can't go.  So over the past two days she's asked me about 3,841 times why.  "Dad, why can we go to the post office and grocery store, but we can't go to school?"

The Valentine cards for her classmates are all done.  Of course, there are princess ones involved for the girls, but we have super heroes for the boys.  "Dad, the boys like Spider Man and those other colored dudes.", she informed me.  Ah, the innocence.  We've also been doing other heart shaped crafts for folks in the family.

If school is not in session tomorrow because of this light winter weather, and my little one has to miss her Valentine's Day party that she is so excited about, I'm going to pull the mufflers off our vehicles, go guy a case of aerosol Aqua Net and empty them, then maybe go buy some tires to burn, so I can add to this global warming thing. 

This is getting ridiculous with the snow days!!!  Without a lot of snow.

Dude!

The local mall has a play area that I believe I've talked about in the past.  I'm not a fan, it's usually wild with big kids, their are parts that are just covered with duct tape and the majority of parents don't pay attention to their children while they are in there.  So, we don't go there anymore.

However, today I had to go to the mall to make a purchase.  I usually try to avoid the mall, but this was a purchase a had to make at the mall.  I had to pick up a lava lamp, a black-light poster featuring a rainbow & unicorn, edible underware and a pole dance kit at Spencer's Gifts.  Not really, but one can dream.  We had to pick up a boring water filter for our fridge at Sears.

So, seeing that it's been rainy the past couple of days, the kids have been couped up in the house and going crazy, I figured we could have a look at the play area.  If it wasn't that crowded, I would let them run around in the play area a bit to work off some energy.  There were very few people there, so I decided I would give it another shot.  The kids were enjoying themselves, running around, sliding down the beaver slide and climbing on the mountain lion, then everything went wrong.

Right about the time I realized that it was indeed real bird crap all over the fake tree, that every kid in the place was touching as they rounded the corner and entered it, I see a man with a young boy.  I'm guessing the young man was at least four years old and it was obvious he had just dropped a deuce in his pants.  Looking out for what might be a man new to the job, I pointed out the restrooms that were about 20 feet away from the play area. 

The guy proceeds to take off the young man's pants and diaper right there, on one of the seats of the play area.  When I realize he's got no wipes and no fresh diaper, I offer up some wipes and diaper to get the kid fresh.  He declines, then proceeds to wipe the kid off with the crap diaper leaving crap on the kid, get crap all over the seat, then he rolls up the diaper and places it on the floor.  He pulls the young man's pants up and they hit the road, leaving behind crap on the seat and nice package on the floor.

DUDE!  That's right, Dude!

It's times like this when I can't stand my fellow village idiots.  This guy is a moron.  I was not offering the wipes and diaper to show the public you forgot supplies for the child, I was offering for the kid's comfort.  Then the fact that he has no respect for the general public around him that he just leaves crap around.  Dude!

Needless to say, between the birds and the boy, there is too much crap in that place.  We won't be back.

Open Letter To Kroger

Dear Kroger,

Your grocery store located on US 42, in Union, KY, has been getting on my nerves quite a bit lately.

The dairy cooler, where the milk is kept, stinks.  To put it lightly, it smells like ass.  Ass that has been swimming in spoiled milk.  I have brought this to the attention of a few of your employees, even Mr. Gray Flat-Top, who seems to be some sort of authority figure there.  The few times I have brought this to his attention, he assured me it would be taken care of and it hasn't.  I don't understand why every other store in the area, even the nastiest of nasty doesn't have this problem and you do.

I know I might ruffle a few feathers over there by stating I would rather purchase my milk elsewhere, until the problem is fixed, but I don't need the above mentioned man giving me the snake eyes every Tuesday morning, when me and The Little Man stop in to do some shopping.

I'm also very aware that I'm going against the normal way of life, as it was set in stone long ago, by being a man providing the primary care for our children.  With that being said, I have since stopped going through the checkout line of one certain old bag that had comments for me about my lack of experience in taking care of children.  She doesn't even know me, or my children, and not once has either child been out of control going through her line.

Yes, your man can continue to give me the snake eyes, but I'm going to wait in a longer line or until someone else comes in from smoking, to check out.  The above mentioned lady doesn't deserve the adult conversation I could engage her in and make her day a little nicer.

Don't get me wrong Kroger, besides your milk cooler smelling foul and a certain few people there, the rest of my shopping experience is fine and you are very conveniently located in my daily rounds.

I'm hoping you can address these issues so I can look forward to purchasing milk from you again and continuing to stand in line of my favorite check out lady, so she can tell me what a fine job I'm doing with my children, we can chit-chat current events, weather, or whatever and put a smile in one another's day.

Regards,

The Only Man In Your Store, With A Child, On Tuesday Mornings.

Yellow And Blue Make Green

I'm having flashbacks.  Flashbacks to being a young child at my grandmother's house. 

Why you ask?

The flashbacks are coming every time I go to the bathroom in our home and see blue water in the toilet bowls.  My grandmother was a big fan of putting those toilet cleaning blocks in the tank of the toilet, so that with every blue flush, a fresh scented clean would come into the bowl.   I can't really say if these flashback memories are good or bad, they are just really weird.  Whatever.

I guess The Lady was trying to send me a message that I might have let the toilets go without a cleaning, because now all bowls in our house are an amazing, bright aqua blue.  Yes, the blue you sometimes find in liquid of a port-a-potty.  Mmmm, breathe deep!

It seems like that in the summer, there's something in the water here that makes it if you don't hit the bowl with a brush every third day or so, a temporary ring starts to develop around the bowl where the water line is.  Now the problem is solved because it seems we will have a permanent blue line now.

All of this blue water was confusing to Doodlbug at first and she is still a little weary of it. 

I really can't complain about her bathroom functions at all, she went from having major issues dropping a deuce, to sleeping all night with big girl underwear on and not a single accident.  Yes, I'm knocking on my solid wood head right now.  She also is doing her part to save the environment, living by the following creed.

If it's yellow, let it mellow.  If it's brown, flush it down.

I can't say that I'm the biggest fan of that, so we have come up with a little system working with primary colors that might help to solve that.  Yellow and blue make green, so when the water is green let's flush it down.

Welcome to art class.

Mother Nature Has Been A Harsh Mistress Lately

It's been raining for 24 hours here at our house, I'm thrilled.  This could be the longest period of steady rain I can remember since we moved here to the northern Kentucky area.

I heard on NPR the other day that drought is the Rodney Dangerfield of natural disasters, it gets no respect.

Well, at least it doesn't get much media coverage.

I just tuned into three different news channels and they are all covering the wildfires in southern California.  Two of the three of them listed on their screens something to the notion that, celebrity mansions are having to battle the blazes as well or although celebrity homes are in line of fire, none of the celebrities are in harms way.

Then I get to listen to some guy from FEMA pour salt in the wound of New Orleans, saying they are doing so much better in response to the fires, as opposed to the hurricane, in such a matter of fact way. 

Take that you crazy, cajun, poor people! 

When the fires are put out that guy should maybe go have a looksy at NOLA, stuff still needs fixin' down there.  Yes, that was matter of fact speaking.

Hello Sting, Jennifer Anniston, Tom Hanks, Barbara Streisand, and the rest of you rich folks that like the coastline of Malibu, CA, go buy a house and live on the coastline of Louisiana.  Go get more land for your money, well that is until it erodes with the rest of the state.  You can't beat the food!  Perhaps you can get some media coverage to focus on things down there or at least a crawl on the screen about how your house is better than everyone else's.

I apologize for the rant, you know I love celebrities....they are just like me and there are tons of lame magazines to prove it.

For instance, look at me and Britney Spears. 

She's originally from Louisiana, I'm from Louisiana.  She has two kids, I have two kids.  She can lip-sync, I can lip-sync.  She can dance, sorry, I've got far more moves than her.  She doesn't wear underwear, I've got far too much respect for my fellow human beings. 

Longest Summer Ever

The weather around here, or lack there of, has made this summer one of the longest on memory for me.

It's just been hot and dry for what feels like a year now.

How hot you ask? 

It's been so hot and humid here, that I sometimes find myself wishing I was in my homeland of Louisiana.  The weather would be the same, but at least I would have seafood to eat and be near mom.  However, it did rain here for ten minutes yesterday, the first I can recall in months, which was only a tease and added to the humidity.  That happens almost daily in south Louisiana, so no thanks.

How dry you ask?

It's extreme and I'm not using that term loosely.  It is so dry around here that it's getting dangerous.  The Little Man was playing and running around outside the other day, tripped over his own feet (as he often does), and feel to the ground.  Any other day he would pop right back up, laugh it off and get back at it, but he gets up, turns around to display a dry, brittle piece of grass has stabbed him in the cheek and he is bleeding like crazy.  Nice.

This is crazy.  Even if we want to try and contend with the heat outside to play, the grass is trying to kill us.

Laboring For The Holiday Weekend

Here comes the holiday weekend and I feel like poop.

Of course the weather here is the best it's been in a long time, it's finally below 110 degrees, but two of the three of us aren't much for doing anything today due to the snot pouring from our nose.

Summer colds suck.

This isn't right.  I don't ever recall being as sick as I have been in the last few months.  It's all this country, pollen filled air I guess 

I remember when I just used sick days for going to baseball games.  What gives!?

Slight Hint Of Fall?

The weather the past few days was amazing.

This weekend featured beautiful blue skies, with soft white clouds and temperatures in the mid 70's, with a steady breeze all across Northern Kentucky.  The nights were crisp and clear.

I'm sure this is just a hint and it will be in the 90's again soon.

The days are starting to get a little shorter.  Even though I pine for autumn, I will miss the long daylight hours.

A Village?

Someone said something about it takes a village to raise a child.

Here is a nice village of folks.

They provide us with entertainment and fun, so I guess in a round about way they are helping to raise children.